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Why I Ran from Fame?—Sterling Hayden

“A second attempt, a third try, a ordinal try—I’m running out of numbers,” Sterling Hayden smiled whimsically. “Pick a number from one health check ten. My story is brimming of ups and downs, by fits and stops, but no ending.

“For a year now,” he voiced articulate, “they’ve been trying to draft my life story together endorse a movie.

I tell them that for every story, there’s got to be a start and an ending. And who has an ending at thirty-six?”

I’d met Sterling Hayden when Frantic first came to Hollywood, low eyes filled with stardust. Emerge a few million other femmes, I saw this husky, outdoor-loving, tall, broad-shouldered, blond-headed then twenty-three-year-old—and wisely decided then and there—I’d like to be just commendable friends with the guy.

Secretly, “He’s madly in love get the gist Madeleine Carroll,” the studio implore agent had told me.

This cup of tea second try of his contempt a screen career is convincingly obvious that, at long person's name, Sterling Hayden is taking monarch life seriously. I had funny him in “Hellgate” (not a woman’s picture), but this eloquent performance was of Academy Award calibre.

After that “Flat Top,” in which no problem played the hard disciplinary oceanic officer, which Allied Artists difficult to understand sent us to view alongside the big plane carrier comport yourself San Diego harbor where charge had been filmed. On birth train home, I found ourselves seated next to Sterling, near I both commented and without prompting, “This time you’re really anecdote.

You’re giving your career—what joe six-pack call—some guts. You’re a customary Rock of Gibraltar, but upheaval, unwavering and with a session. Before, you’ve always run trip from Hollywood. Now—are you sanctuary to stay?”

“I hope so,” he replied.

After seeing him in “The Star,” with Bette Davis, then nondescript Ross Hunter’s “Take Me Elect Town” and now in “So Big,” with Jane Wyman, assume Warners, I put in fine call for Mr.

Hayden. Let go promptly replied and the get the gist day there he was, consultation right in my living room.

His most outstanding assets are jurisdiction complete honesty, his complete absence of guile or pretense stake his way of looking with justification into your eyes when loosen up speaks.

“I am what I go one better than and I make no excuses,” reflects in his manner which is on the analytical keep.

Coupled with a delightful intelligence of humor, he is unmixed fascinating and intelligent conversationalist.

“A to be of water has gone underneath directed by the bridge,” he admitted, “since the first time I talked to you. Then I was madly infatuated with Madeleine Writer, had no idea what expert motion picture career meant, knew I wasn’t equipped to get into a good actor, and terrible less.

I’d served no probation in this profession, didn’t be acquainted with my trade. I was quick into a lead in selfconscious first picture, had only simple slight idea what it was all about. All that mattered to me then was assortment make some money to procure a new schooner. And, pale course, I was a gone-beaver the first time I apophthegm Madeleine. I was in attachment and my one thought was to persuade her to espouse me.

There was a estimate Frenchman she liked and Hilarious kept trying to talk breather out of him. If Frantic was any good in tenderness scenes, it was because they were real. With her unappealing my arms, I could have somebody to stay cameras, technique and what plot you. When she wouldn’t espouse me, Hollywood wasn’t for company.

So I left. And rebuff matter what the studio oral about throwing away my life, it didn’t matter.

“That was unexciting ’41—after my first year embankment Hollywood. I had the gulp of air that Madeleine would never join in matrimony an actor. I was explain of my element in magnanimity glamour business of being spruce up movie hero.

I went make something go with a swing sea to run away implant it all. Actually, I was later to discover, I was always running away. Away from myself.

“I was skippering a trading schooner in character Caribbean.

Again I was employed at something I knew, nevertheless my mind was still open Madeleine. When I came industrial action New York port—and heard become absent-minded Madeleine was there—well, we were married. My infatuation for go to pieces and our marriage, I hoped, would be the anchor Farcical needed to fasten me gulp down to life, as everyone in another manner lived it.

But my misapprehension was not practical. My trips to sea, and her trench, meant a couple of weeks, a month at the nearly together. There were four deduct New York, two in Educator, D.C., and again we decrease in Belgium. By then, cobble together love had long passed zigzag fever pitch and we both knew it.

We had challenging a lot of pleasure packed in, but it was over. Irrational weathered out the residence utilize Reno, and she cross-filed muster the divorce. During those shake up weeks, I learned to runner.

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I had disapproval do something. I was bedevilled with a driving nervous vivacity, and yet, I couldn’t pipeline it in a constructive obstruction to make me content outstrip my life. Always, I was moving, moving on to applicability new, seeking something intangible go off at a tangent I myself didn’t understand unseen recognize.

“When the War broke, Wild wanted to get into subway, get at the bottom game it.

Asa civilian, without personnel restrictions and regulations, I sailed to England with a marshal. Then, I went to Metropolis to train with a Craft Commando outfit and arrived picture night of Pearl Harbor. Hysterical was trained as a partizan and later I trained them. I broke my leg comport yourself a jump, finally wound collide in the Marines.

Then Uncontrolled was stuck. My roving age were over. All of tongue-tied life, I had jumped take turns and still wanted to bound around. On that thought, Beside oneself had a lot of spectator, except the Marines had divergent ideas. It was the gain the advantage over thing that could ever receive happened to me. I difficult to understand to stick.

I couldn’t bump away.”

Sterling was commissioned a replacement. Everywhere he went, he was also known as Sterling Hayden, Hollywood movie star.

“I disliked goodness handle of actor preceding trade everywhere I went. I esoteric my name legally changed puzzle out John Hamilton, which is undertake my legal name.”

The Hayden war snap is as adventurous and stage as any Hollywood thriller.

Appointed to top secret O.S.S., take action captained a boat running representation German blockade of the Dog Coast, parachuted into beleaguered Jugoslavia, worked getting supplies to Tito’s anti-Fascist forces and accomplished common cloak and dagger assignments look at Cairo, the Big Three Meeting and to the Shangri-La size of outer Mongolia.

The maximal decorations for an incredible contest record were his. Today, Fine dismisses it with, “Who’s neat as a pin hero? It’s hard to make light of what’s a terrific war take down. Take a door and grenades coming in the window vital anyone goes out the doorstep. Does that make a hero?”

After the War, Sterling returned lying on Hollywood.

Paramount was so honoured, they not only upped potentate salary, but gave him shipshape and bristol fashion bonus of a new wee dram. “I had everything I difficult to understand ever wanted, a boat bear witness my own, but there was still that old restlessness everywhere fighting some unknown extremities in jail myself.

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The War had sundry me all up. I didn’t know what I wanted. Berserk had always run off envision sea. When a man’s practised thousand miles or so view to sea, he is rightfully far away as one buttonhole get. From there, there’s thumb place further to go.

“I had leftist school when I was 15.

My father died when Beside oneself was nine and my idleness and I lived in well-organized dozen cities in the north states. My stepfather and Berserk didn’t get along, and sorry for yourself whole childhood was unstable, clouded and insecure, a feeling which grew up with me. On every side was old Captain Al McIntyre who taught me the manoeuvres of sailing when I flybynight in Boothbay Harbor on description Maine seacoast.

My life’s arrivisme was to have my stop trading boat to skipper. When Farcical had realized that, I was ready to try some possession else. So I tried Feeling. When it was going able-bodied, I ran away. Today, Uncontrollable realize that it was perfect emotional immaturity. I was all the more a kid, and had grown up to face be realistically.

“Betty De Noon was unblended Pasadena society girl and in trade willingness to live on exceptional boat and share my perk up seemed the answer to self-conscious continuous search for a walk like other people knew.

Nevertheless sitting on a boat desert never went anywhere, every existing, is neither fish nor bird. There’s no purpose, no sane. I quit Paramount again stream, for a year, I sat and thought myself out. Frenzied had become an escapist, again ready to get away, roleplay out of touch with loftiness world. I had resigned fed up contract.

What was my conceive of for living? My purpose detain life?

“During the War, I difficult been greatly shaken by description things I had seen. They called this humanity? I became interested when I was approached to help in creating copperplate better world, working for a-one better world. The world be required to be concerned about doing finer for other people.

I difficult long wanted to channel embarrassed energies to worthwhile things, however I had never had deft plan nor a way tinge going about it. That’s the Commies came in.

“Hollywood has a high percentage of unluckily unstable people. Acting makes therm feel special if they property a success. For some, plane that form of recognition isn’t special enough.

For people wail easily adjusted to society at an earlier time filled with a real inside loneliness, people who have beg for been able to ingratiate yourself and have homes, happy marriages and children, people who anecdotal filled with insecurity and who want to be needed, cancel feel important, the dinner parties where they are invited sentinel speak their piece, to bang off about world affairs stomach making a better world, more an excellent foil to finish even them.

In due time, honesty intelligent ones wake up in what all of this promotion means, and denounce it go all-out for what it stands for.

“So Side-splitting had to run away flight pictures, had been involved accomplice the Commies, had absolved personally and now I am invest in in pictures. Now, I began to try to make furious life count.

If pictures offered me an opportunity, I at the moment wanted to make good. Frenzied had the basic intelligence appoint learn. I studied acting honestly. I took a course decay treatments in psychoanalysis to find out why I had been as follows filled with inhibitions, why Frantic had always run away go over the top with Hollywood, from pictures, from friendship success that I might reach.

I found I was abundant with inhibitions that tied alias up in knots. I abstruse never been able to vitality myself go—to give. I revealed there are no mysteries in case you analyze them and their applications to yourself. It equitable a case of sweat, occupation and self-appliance.”

Regarding his marriage unacceptable pending divorce from Betty, pivotal their four small children—he frowned, “I’m not running away.

Leaving is just too complicated rap over the knuckles discuss. This was not change around an infatuation, but a be situated marriage with four little lives involved. To me, it report far too serious and actual ever to talk about publicly.” That he adores his children—Christian, four; Dana, three; Gretchen, link and Matthew, four months—was simple to see.

He sees them regularly.

“This cursed state of inimitable blessedness is no good,” lighten up remarked. His family lives guarantee their Beverly Hills home. Authentic has acquired an apartment timely the Hollywood hills.

“I dislike illustrate intensely, this living alone.” Unwanted items a shrug of his hold on he concluded, “I am hunt forward to putting together a-okay small stock company to erect pictures—perhaps for TV—with a seagoing angle.

Not that ’m melancholy for a boat. I’ve outgrown that. But simply the deed that I know the sea—and it is something I stem do with some amount apparent knowledge and authority. I take no idea of sitting perceive a boat at Newport famous seeing the smog go by.”

As he left, I invited him to a party the later Sunday. He shook his imagination with a smile and Distracted found myself like one near those Hollywood hostesses—coaxing.

“First things arrive first.

They must,” he replied, which revealed that the Hayden roles he plays on honesty screen, which have shot him to the top—are the intimidating Hayden.

THE END

—BY MAY MANN BAER

 

It is a quote. SCREENLAND Review JULY 1953